Here's another "take-away" for me from SPLICE: I'm a teddy bear, when handling conflict, and that's OK. :-)
We spent a good chunk of our 3 weeks in training on healthy ways to handle conflict. Many missionaries have said that the hardest part about being a missionary is getting along with other missionaries. Why is this such a problem and how can we grow?
We Americans (forgive me, I'm stereotyping now) do not generally deal with conflict well. It's much too easy to simply find a new Sunday school class or a new church (that meets our needs more) or a new friend (with whom we can relate better) or even a new marriage partner (when the old flame burns out). Thus it is understandable that placing a small team of Americans to live and work together in a new culture can become a disaster. Oh..how sad!
There are four general categories of how people handle conflict. Which one are you?
Shark (Competing): Goals are important, relationships are not. Do not care if others like or accept them nor are generally concerned about other's needs. What's right, fair, and just according to their own convictions is what's important. "Someone's going to win, and someone's going to lose. I choose to win."
Teddy Bear (Accommodating): Relationships are important, personal agenda is not. Want to be accepted. Conflict avoided in favor of harmony. Believe conflicts can't be discussed without harming relationships. Give up goals to preserve relationship. "Whatever is fine."
Turtle (Avoiding): Withdraw and give up personal goals and relationships to avoid conflict. Stay away from issues and people. Believe it's impossible to try to resolve conflicts. Avoid by postponing, hiding feelings, changing the subject, or quitting the project. (But might become a "snapping turtle" if pushed too far.) "Let's talk about it later."
Fox (Compromising): Moderately concerned with personal goals and relationships. Give up part of their goals and persuade others to do the same. Believe that differences should be treated in light of the common good. Seek for both sides to gain something. "Give a little, take a little."
All styles have pros and cons. No one way is right for every situation. There are examples in scripture validating all four styles. By understanding who I and my teammates naturally are when faced with a conflict, I can better understand why we react certain ways and then focus on ways to best handle the issue and grow through it.
I was excited to find out that there's a name for me, and that there's others just like me! :-) (In our class of 28 there were 8-9 turtles and foxes each and 5-6 teddy bears and sharks each. Good mix!) As a teddy bear, I needed to learn that a lot of good can come from conflict. Relationships can actually be deepened if the issue causing the conflict is brought to the surface and dealt with well. Also, I learned that I show that I value the other person when I share what's really going on inside. Finally, that I'll only become skilled in resolving conflict if I practice!
It amazes me how complex and unique God has made each one of us. Clearly there is no "cookie cutter" solution to any problem. It takes a lot of PRAYER and a lot of WORK and a lot of LOVE to keep harmony in any family or team. No wonder our Lord prays so earnestly in His High Priestly prayer for unity...and notice what the glorious result is when we are unified...
That they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee; that they also may be one in us; that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. John 17:21
